When people are considering joining the Power of Two Online, we ask them to tell us about a favorite moment they’ve had with their spouse. Here’s a selection of the kind of things people tell us.
- I like when we cook dinner together. It is special because we don’t spend a lot of time together, and for some reason I feel closer to him.
- It was his birthday a few years ago. We had an intimate dinner just the 2 of us. We talked and enjoyed each others company.
- Simply going out to grab something to eat together is magical for me. We enjoy doing that together and talking and being affectionate in those moments. Recently, on Saturday afternoon going to eat and sitting next to each other, hugging, sharing our food, being able to talk.
- We went fishing. We spent the whole day together laughing and listening to music. The day was perfect because it was just the two of us. I love when my husband and I spend quality time together.
- Yesterday he came to my job to have lunch with me because he did not have to go to work. It was so special because we genuinely enjoyed each others company and talking to each other was like two friends talking. It was very nice, and a change.
Did you notice that every one of these is some kind of a simple moment where it was “just the two of us.”
Then we ask people what problems they’re having. About 60% of folks go on to tell us that “time as a couple” is a struggle.
One of the simplest things you can do to get your marriage back on track is to make time to create those simple moments as a couple. This doesn’t have to be some big, fancy plan. It doesn’t even have to be an official “date night.”
Time together can be as simple as well, time together. Cook dinner. Take a walk. Sit on a park bench. Even folding laundry or doing the dishes can become special together time.
Chances are, the more you make time for spending some simple time that’s focused on enjoying each others company (and for a few brief moments, putting down the need to fixing everything, or the temptation to complain or bicker) the more reserves there will be for doing the fixing or resolving the complaints.
— Dr. Abigail Hirsch
Dr. Heitler featured in GoodTherapy.org: How do Effective Marriage Partners Make Decisions Together?
Of all the wonderful concepts that Dr. Heitler teaches, one of my absolute favorites is the idea that couples who can decide cooperatively never have to feel like they are compromising. Moreover, Heitler speaks about how cooperative decision making can actually enhance a loving relationship. The reason I like this idea so much is because I think it is counterintuitive.
A lot of us are told from a very young age that compromise is necessary. Heitler does not. Rather, she suggests an even more effective path of decision making; Win-Win. With Win-Win decision making, both partners can come away feeling satisfied, uncompromised, and like they can take pride and ownership of the co-solution.
In an article published by GoodTherapy.org Dr. Heitler outlines the basics of shared decision making. She highlights the importance of leaving the tug-of-war that stems from “I-Wants” behind for the more productive discussion of concerns. Once a discussion becomes focused on concerns, a couple can then launch forward toward finding a solution.
To read a great example about the challenge of wanting to live in different places, check out the entirety of the article here: http://www.goodtherapy.org/blog/marriage-partners/.
Posted By: Katie Stokes
We can only imagine the great strain and stress military deployment puts on the marriages and families involved. Given this, we owe to our soldiers and their families to provide as much support as we are able. In Military Spouse Magazine, Dr. Heitler advises spouses of deployed soldiers on how best to set boundaries with in-laws: Don’t feel selfish that you want your spouse all to yourself upon return. This is the first step in family healing, or reconnection. The second step includes the children. The third is the in-laws and extended family.
read more here:
Posted by: Rosanna Smith, Power of Two Intern
Dr. Susan Heitler, author of The Power of Two, is quoted in this month’s issue of Parents magazine on the topic, “How to fight in front of kids?”.
While surfing the web for some good Power of Two Facebook fodder I came across this awesome article called “Will This Marriage Last?“. The article is from back in 2006, but its content is timeless. Among many other factors, the article highlights the importance of Marriage Education. From the article:
“The couple’s expectations are a huge factor in the longevity of their marriage. Couples who have attended premarital classes or counseling cut their odds of divorce by almost a third. Premarital counseling might be the best wedding gift any newlyweds can receive.”
Hooked yet? Read about the other factors which may impact your risk for divorce here: http://www.time.com/time/nation/article/0,8599,1209784,00.html
How do you stay motivated? Let me know if you want help setting “study sessions” with Power of Two.
Just a quick note to share this great book. If you are looking for a great way to prepare your relationship for marriage you may want to check out “All-in-One marriage Prep” by Susanne M. Alexander.
Really want to get yourself ready? Make it a double wammie! Pick up the book and join Power of Two’s member site.